New strain of senioritis discovered; adolescent teens now most at risk.

ON - New senioritis variant emerges that primarily affects younger students, scientists dub ‘junioritis.’

The highly contagious virus, senioritis, has recently mutated to target a new group, teens from ages 13 to 15. This new variant has been coined by scientists as “junioritis.” Mild symptoms of junioritis include aging, stress, getting distracted, and procrastination. Severe symptoms include growing up, paying taxes, and the inability to set goals.

Much to the dismay of those infected, junioritis does not seem to grant immunity to senioritis, but rather intensifies the effects of it.

Unaffected students seem oddly unafraid of the virus, and those recovered from junioritus have the complete opposite symptoms of those infected, having no stress or wrinkles.

“What’s the big deal about junioritis?” asks one indifferent student, “what happens to you? You age a little, maybe stress out? It’s not like we’re not facing that anyways.”

We interviewed a student who contracted junioritus. “So like, after I got junioritis, life just got like super chill, like, you know? Like, what’s a test? Why stress about tests when I can just, like, not. Right? We can just, like, not worry about, like, school and, like, grades and, like, life. Everything will, like, be totally chill in the end, like, you know?”

As a final reminder, please remember to always stay vigilant so that we can stop the spread of the virus. Don’t forget to: wash your hands, use hand sanitizer when soap and water are not available, wear your mask, physically distance, and keep ventilation through opening doors and windows and open your HEPA filters.